The Arctic Measles That Never Were

A.K.A. WE’RE STILL IN DOHA, TA-NAH!

Once upon a time there were three friends, Tech Boy, the Little One and Ta-Nah! who lived in the city of the Four Season Days. Tech Boy was generally cheerful and enjoyed fixing things with one of his many purpose built matte-black tools. His smaller half, the Little One, spent more time shrouded in papers or when she wasn’t working in yarns of all colours and plys. Ta-Nah! was so called because of his happy disposition, and ability to point out things that should seem obvious but aren’t. (Possibly also because I’m terrible at nicknames and it’s the first thing that sprang to mind from the trip).

The three friends spent much of their time wearing large amounts of black while toiling in the hope of attaining the much prized black “crew” shirt from as many shows as possible. They were folks of simple wishes. The work was often hard with unsociable hours and they didn’t get to see many of their friends outside of this world. It was not without reward though. They often enjoyed the shows that they worked on and even when there was no t-shirt in sight, the pleasure of having a hard earned drink with workmates often made up for any aches and pains from the day.

It was having just returned from one such work trip that had ended in holiday resort Up North that the Little One heard a call from a desert. It was a crackly call but it spoke of unbearably hot days, slightly more bearable nights and a culture like she’d never experienced. It also mentioned a fabulous job and people who she’d enjoyed working with earlier that year and the promise of paperwork. Much paperwork. How could she resist? Maybe there’d even be another t-shirt…

One week after her return to Four Season Days the Little One packed her bags, bid her friends farewell and set off towards the Land That Will Always Be Free.

As the Little One settled into her new temporary home she sent home tales of the heat, the lack of pork products, the need for a license to purchase alcohol and the sole bottle shop in the country as well as the crazy drivers and roads.

Tech Boy was stunned and could not believe that such a place existed.
“What? No pork products?!” he exclaimed, “That’s crazy talk”.
So it was that two weeks later he joined the Little One in the place where the People of the Desert came together and joined hands with the People of the Sea.

Time passed and although the Little One and Tech Boy were enjoying their time, despite the food and drink restrictions, they missed Ta-Nah! greatly. He was part of their family and they felt lost without him.

More time passed before they found out that Ta-Nah! would be joining them in the desert in a matter of weeks. They were most excited. Days and nights were carefully counted and important preparations were made for his imminent arrival.

As a result Ta-Nah! was greeted at the airport by his two friends bearing gifts. One had brought him a stack of papers of varying degrees of usefulness and the other had brought him a case of beer.

After terrifying their friend with tales of road accident statistics, various ways to (by home standards) easily get yourself incarcerated and how easy it seemed to become severely dehydrated, Tech Boy retired to bed for a few hours rest leaving the Little One to look after their friend.

The day ran smoothly overall after the Little One had attempted to get them both run over on the way to lunch. After this, the days and nights started to run into one long day of show preparation.

The weather began to cool down and one by one the beanies and coats started to grudgingly appear despite it being 23˚C. It still seemed cold. There was also the welcome sight of a couple of drops of rain which rapidly became less welcome when it was discovered that the city was not particularly drainy.

As the temperature dropped the tension, stress and excitement grew until it culminated in a spectacular, albeit wet, opening ceremony. There were horses, a city of lights, another horse and a great big flaming cauldron. Just in case all involved weren’t wet enough from the show, it continued to rain through most of the night after the show with the exception of the half hour or so that it hailed. Tech Boy, Ta-Nah! and the Little One were beginning to think they’d seen it all.

The days passed quickly and before they knew it they were well into the closing ceremony. There were campfires to be lit, camels and horses to do as they do, thousands of little genies to get entangled with and a donkey. After the show there were a few more long nights of packing up followed by many nights of celebration before it was suddenly all over.

Friends parted, old and new alike, with promises of keeping in touch or visiting. This was not the case for the three friends in our tale though. They had decided to go on a whirlwind tour of the Continent, the Land of Tea and ultimately the Arctic!

So they did.

They spent Christmas in the City of Love in the Land of Wine & Cheese with an old friend while regaling some new friends with tales of camels and 1200 men with flares.

In the Land of Tea, Tech Boy and Ta-Nah! searched fervently for a decent cup of coffee while the Little One unhelpfully pointed out that this might be a lost cause as she sipped on her cup of tea. They kept searching and eventually found a decent cup of coffee by a museum.

Having achieved their coffee-finding mission the trio made their way back to the Land of Wine & Cheese where Ta-Nah! was twice crowned the King of Revelry.

A last minute decision saw them travel even further South to a city by the Mediterranean Sea where they discovered the long-lost secret to getting Tech Boy to smile in photos. There were human statues aplenty and more historical architecture and gardens than they could fit into the two days that they had and they agreed that they would have to return one day.

It was here in the city by the Mediterranean that the trouble started.

While Tech Boy, Ta-Nah! and the Little One were reclining on a pier by the Mediterranean, Ta-Nah! started to explain how it wasn’t really a sea but a big bay. He continued to explain a little of the Mediterranean’s history and his reasoning behind his statement. The Little One was doubtful that this was a good idea to be insulting the very body of water that they were reclining beside. The three of them made a few more flippant remarks about being dragged into the potentially offended Mediterranean before heading off for a little piece of home at the theatre.

The next few weeks passed uneventfully and the trio thought nothing more of their quips regarding the Mediterranean. They continued their journey to the Arctic through several countries stopping to sample their beers, wines and as much local fare as they could find.

On their journey they walked on the World’s Greatest Stage, visited the Little Mermaid and wandered through red light districts at the wrong time of day. The trip was going well.

Two days before they were set to arrive in the Arctic, Ta-Nah! mentioned that he wasn’t feeling well. Not knowing how else to respond, Tech Boy and the Little one responded with encouraging words (“you’ll be right” and “have some spirulina and some paracetamol it’ll help” respectively).

They were sadly mistaken as when they arrived up in the Arctic, Ta-Nah! had not improved at all. The attractive Arctic doctor confirmed their fears. Ta-Nah! had Arctic Measles. Sadly the attractive Arctic doctor had no solution for Arctic Measles but the good news was that it wasn’t contagious.

Naturally the explanation for Arctic Measles was that the Mediterranean had been cunning in seeking to teach the three travellers a lesson in manners. As all bodies of water are connected in some way She had sent the Arctic Measles to them as a reminder that there was nowhere to run. Naturally.

So the trio continued with the activities as planned. Despite his protestations that he “didn’t do fun”, Ta-Nah! continued to partake in the night-time tobogganing, sleigh riding, dog-sledding and seeing pretty lights in the sky with Tech Boy and the Little One.

As the days passed Ta-Nah! improved slightly. By the end of the five day Arctic excursion he was well on the mend.

At this point the Little One parted from her travelling companions for a side trip back to the Land of Tea to visit more people and drink more tea. Tech Boy and Ta-Nah! continued on to the Land of Wine & Cheese where they passed the days eating good cheese and drinking varying qualities of wine.

Feeling refreshed after her trip the Little One rejoined her companions and spent the week relaxing with them. Tech Boy and the Little One celebrated their five years together in fine company as the Little Lisa had chosen to join the trio for the weekend.

The Little One was starting to feel rather fatigued. More so than normal and much more than she should as she was sleeping quite a lot during the day. She put this down to her usual stressing about life, the universe and everything and tried to put it out of her mind.

On what was to be their second last day in the Land of Wine & Cheese, the three travellers headed South to the coast to visit the Mediterranean to ensure that everything was good between them and the Sea. The Little One barely made it out of the car.

She had discovered a few little red itchy spots appearing over the last few nights.

By the time they arrived back in the cottage some of these had blossomed into blisters. They still itched but now they hurt too.

This perplexed the three travellers as they looked awfully like the non-contagious Arctic Measles but by the very nature of non-contagious Arctic Measles couldn’t be.

The next day Tech Boy kindly took the Little One to the doctor who cheerfully pronounced that she had chicken pox. Yes it was definitely chicken pox which is unfortunate in an adult. Yes it’s what Ta-Nah! had too, even if the attractive Arctic doctor said otherwise. Bed rest till the end of the week and try not to catch anything else as it could get complicated… and that was that.

Oh and dragons and unicorns and such. (for Nick)



So it’s now the end of the week. The blisters are slowly drying and last night I managed to sleep for more than four hours at a stretch for the first time in a week.

Gene & Nick are in fine health and are looking after themselves to avoid a relapse of chicken pox and have kindly taken over the travel arrangements while nursing me back to life. It’s my first time out of bed in three days and I may be heading back that way soon.

There are two points to the story.

Firstly, don’t insult any body of water. It always ends badly.

Secondly, the three of us will be home late. We’re not sure how late we’ll be yet as we’re on a wait list to get back from Singapore but I’m sure we’ll keep you posted.

For now, thank you for reading, have fun, be safe and we’ll see you soon.
- The Little One.

St Flour, France.